sleeping with the enemy
It all begins with a simple reach. A touch.
You tell yourself you can stop whenever you want. But can you?
Research says that:
Smartphone use disrupts the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone. To promote better sleep, the National Sleep Foundation recommends having 30 minutes of gadget-free time before bedtime. Instead of reaching for your phone, consider picking up a book from your nightstand. You’ll likely fall asleep more quickly and wake up feeling better the next day.
I noticed going into 2024 a significant change in my ability to concentrate on “boring” things. Reading, studying and concentrating on long tedious tasks became almost impossible. I already suffer from adult adhd and my focus was absolutely destroyed. I could almost feel myself reaching constantly for my phone even when I knew there was no need to look at it or check it. I had read all the emails and answered all the texts. This alarmed me. Especially at night and in the mornings with coffee, I would find myself scrolling for more than 45 minutes learning nothing, feeling no joy, just aimlessly scrolling. But in my mind, I was relaxing, I was “getting ready for the day” or “winding down”. I realized I had wired my brain to be weak and undisciplined.
And what I had labeled relaxing was actually doing the opposite.
So I made a goal for 2024. Start doing the boring things even if it kills me. Even going so far as to not listening to music while I clean. I turned all my apps to timers and moved them off the front screen. I also deleted TikTok. Big game changer.
At first this was mental torture. I didn’t even realize how bad I was until I took these things away. I didn’t realize how lazy and acclimated my mind was to not work. Doing some more research one day I found out that when you do mentally difficult things over and over, without those things getting easier, it actually causes part of the brain to grow. The same part of the brain that is large in people that have a strong will to live and live a long time. This was mind blowing information and ever since I have been on a mission to put. the. phone. down. Ever since I started this, I have seen and almost felt a rewiring of my brain. Day 16 and I am committed to a year of this. So lets do this together…
DO THE HARD THINGS
TRY reading
tap books for links
my experience with a paradigm coach & how you can start being more vulnerable
If just the thought of being emotionally vulnerable makes you feel uneasy then you may have been nervous to start delving into therapy of any kind.
I personally have always been fairly open and honest about any struggles I’m having mentally or emotionally. Whether that was just to connect with others on a deeper level or look for advice I’m not certain. However, I do know that that has helped me slowly over the years prime myself for some much larger “self help” steps.
You can probably gage let’s say on a scale of 1 to 5 how vulnerable you’re willing to be with friends. Then gage how vulnerable your willing to be with a stranger or therapist of some kind.
For some the anonymity of speaking to a therapist seems less intimidating. For others talking to a close friend or someone you trust is the only way you’d ever open up.
Some things that have always helped me be more vulnerable that could possibly help you are 1) setting your own personal boundaries with sharing. Remember that you can share things slowly and in small doses and on your terms. It may even be worth it to write down your feelings, especially the ones you may not be willing to share just yet with everyone and take a small excerpt from that and be willing to micro share just that one point. Knowing this in advance can help you share but not overshare and then feel embarrassed or shameful later on. I personally have always found that helpful. I’m not an expert by any means but just sharing my experience.
2) Don’t hesitate to let the person or persons in your circle know your struggling. This doesn’t need to be a full divulging of every awful thought or feeling. You can simply say “I just need you to know that I’m struggling right now. I am not at a 10 today Im just at a 2. So, thank you for being my friend and just bear with me.” I learned this technique from the incredible Brene Brown. I’ll link her below.
But what that does, even when you're just a small amount of vulnerable with someone, is, enables them to show up for you.. lets them know where you're at so they can give you patience and grace. Most importantly it allows them to be there for you and show you people do care if they know what’s going on. How can they help if they don’t know. Some people are good at hiding what’s really going on. So it takes vulnerability to be honest and open up.
So lets say you have already gotten to the point where you think you would like to dive in deeper and make some real life changes. For me the biggest help I have received was through a Paradigm Coach. I have seen therapist and if that’s what works for you that is incredible! Keep it up.
Personally I am, and I feel this is where the coaching was different, I am at a place where I want to not just express myself, but actually change the way I navigate through the world. I wanted to understand me and my reactions and change those impulse reactions that were impacting my life in a negative way. For me personally, after 2 sessions I was already seeing and feeling a huge shift in the way I move through life and why. It was truly one “lightbulb moment” after another.
The definition of paradigm is a typical example or pattern of something, a model. So, my typical pattern, my personal belief system needed some tuning. One coaching website termed it this way “The goal of coaching is to provide a facilitated space for the client to develop optimal decision-making strategies and improve insight, perspective and understanding around their challenging situation.”
For me personally this meant being very vulnerable, even for me, about my relationships with my parents, admitting bad habits like people pleasing to the point of burnout and understanding why it is not my responsibility nor should I want it to be to take care of everyone all the time. Especially my mothers emotional needs. This was all very difficult and extremely emotional. However it broke down a false belief system that I had built so that I could start from scratch. Thats my next session. Where to start now.
My point in writing this is so if your struggling with emotional habits but dont know where to start, Im here to tell you, it is worth the awkwardness, it is worth the self-cringing if you want to be happy.
So start small. Start today. Keep a journal. So heres to a version of you you didn’t know existed and loving the you that got you here.
If you have any questions feel free to reach out.